It’s funny how the things we use every single day, and seem to be an extension of the arm, are the things we take for granted the most. This past weekend my laptop which a few days ago I referred to as “beloved” was drowned in my roommates beer and now is sitting unused, awaiting it’s immanent doom tomorrow. (I understand I am being extremely melodramatic, but what is a writer to do without a computer?) Currently I’m using my boyfriend’s computer, which he so graciously awarded me for the day to rewrite my paper for my Romantic Literature course and to attempt to stay connected with the outside world.
I never realized how often I rely on my computer for entertainment or for my work. It makes me wonder what other things in my life I take for granted. What other people I take for granted. Am I merely waltzing through life with no regard to what is important and thus not giving the attention I should?
Last night when I was in my fit of fury I pleaded with my boyfriend to stay over at my house. I didn’t want to have to sit in my bedroom, my face still caked with make-up from attending the Zombie Pub Crawl, staring at my laptop perched atop a pile of rice, knowing what I must deal with the following morning. I didn’t want to be left alone with my anger and frustration. Him being the guy that he is stayed with me and kept my mind on other things.
My laptop and I have been through many lonely evenings together. Resting in the multitude of folders displayed on my desktop are writings that I could only share with a select few, some resonating in my darkest of days. Thinking of those words being lost forever is a combination of relief and terror. Relief knowing that nobody would ever have the chance to see them, and terror knowing that I can never read them again.
Now I must prepare for what will surely be one of the most awkward conversations with my roommate. I must tell her that she needs to pay for the damage done to my computer. How rotten. Truly rotten.
This is one of life’s unexpected moments that I would soon like to move past.