change

I think how quickly things have changed for me. But that’s the personality of change, isn’t it? When it’s slow, it’s called growth; when it’s fast, it’s change. And God, how things change: some things, nothings, anythings, everythings…all the things change.” | David Arnold, Mosquitoland

When I was growing up, I was terrified of anything that would invoke change in my life. The simplest thing, like painting my bedroom, would cause me to panic. Every eve of the first day of school I would spend the day pacing the halls of my childhood home and the evening wrapped in my mother’s arms. Anything to help the nerves. It seems a little silly now.

David Arnold knew what he was talking about. Everything changes. Each day is a change in it of itself. Even the mundane ones. There are the days where we walk boldly in the face of change. But, then their are the monumental days that force change upon us. Someone we love passes away. It’s like a winged letter of change has been dropped at your doorstep. Signed. Sealed. Delivered in all of it’s pain.

I think that the one thing that I have learned despite the fact that change can still knock me off my feel. There are no shortcuts in life, particularly when it comes to growing up, and change is all part of that. It just amuses me that I was and still am a little terrified of something that I am surrounded by day-in and day-out. Maybe it’s the lack of control when it comes to certain changes, Or the fact that everything can change in a simple blink of the eye. Maybe I’m just rambling.

Maybe life is just built upon the foundation of changes and the ever-changing tomorrow for our “somethings, nothings, anythings and everythings.”

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a little post about 23

Welp. I’m 23 years old. Wow does that ever feel a whole hell of a lot older than 22. I wonder why that is …

I’m not going to sit here and presume that because I have now seen 23 years of life that I am suddenly an expert. But, I am going to share some of the many things that I have learned about myself over the past how ever many months.

1. I can live alone. For the first time ever, I am on my own. NO roommates, NO parents, NO nobody. I must admit that I was petrified … but after the first few weeks I couldn’t imagine not living alone. It is such an empowering and invigorating notion. (I think everybody should do it once in their lives!)

2. It’s all about confidence. Just be who you are and celebrate it. Life is going by too quickly to worry about what people think of you.

3. Coffee makes everything better 😉

4. Don’t fear the unknown. Knowing that our futures can be changed, morphed, and molded into whatever we want is a surprisingly peaceful idea for someone who used to be terrified of change.

5. Love. Love everything, Love everyone.

6. Make time for your family … they are all you have.

7. Join a book club! I just started one up with some of my friends and I am so excited! I picked All the Light we Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. It is a WWII novel and I am already taking notes and preparing for our monthly meet-up 🙂

That’s all I can think of right now, but I will add things as the year goes on. This past year was a big one for me. I taught a full year as an elementary teacher while going to graduate school. People doubted that I could handle all of the pressure. Hell, I doubted that I could handle all of the pressure. But I did, and I’m stronger for it. I am eager to see what 23 has in store for me. Onto bigger and better things, I hope!

Always want to move onward and upward.

Cheers.

a glance at vogue

The other day I looked down at a two inch thick magazine, it was Vogue of course. I couldn’t help but wonder what the old cover photographs looked like? Where they similar poses but just in different fashions? I am not quite sure why, but I decided to go back through the archives and see what there was. I stumbled on these four images that were really striking to me. None of the women’s bodies are shown in these images, and in one there isn’t a human model at all. Some of the images are quite quirky while others are purely stylistic. Personally, I love how in the third image the phone matches her hat perfectly, or that the title font is changed on the fourth image. Curiously enough, the one with the goldfish on it draws me in the most. Who wouldn’t want to know why there are goldfish on a fashion magazine? I must say, I prefer these over cover photographs of magazines today. There is so much more character here. Have any thoughts? Please share.

future

The future is this scary, lingering presence in all of our lives. Whether we admit it to ourselves or not, it’s there. It taunts us when a job interview falls short or that relationship you thought was “the one” fell through. Immediately, when something that was supposed to be in our future no longer is, we are forced to reconsider everything about ourselves. Ultimately, we question who we are to become.

Recently, I made a big decision for myself. I picked a graduate school. One might think that being accepted into the two schools that I applied to would have been a dream, and in some ways it was. It gave me the security of future. It gave me a sense of accomplishment. It gave me a feeling of confidence in my chosen path. One thing I didn’t foresee in this decision, were the things I couldn’t predict. If I chose to pin myself down to the Twin Cities for another two years then that’s it. I’m stuck. There will be no jetting off to a new city, or country to see the world that I have always wanted to see. Two years isn’t that long. I know that. Yet, I still get scared that the world around me, and the people around me will all move on, and I will still be here, twiddling my thumbs, eagerly waiting for my degree so I too can join the masses. There is one person in particular that weighed heavy on my decision. Our future is unknown. Which can be exhilarating, yet terrifying. How do I plan for something that I am unsure of its future? How can I predict what is best for me, when I can’t predict what is best for “us?”

All of these questions were rattling around in my mind for the past few weeks. I started looking into programs that would churn out my degree at a faster pace, so as to free myself up, in order to be with him. When I saw what I was doing, I had to stop. If we truly love each other, and wish to make it work, we will. I don’t need to compromise my educational plans to accommodate his plan. Nor does he need to do the same for me. Whatever he chooses I will support, and I know he will do the same for me.

I had it all wrong. I have had it all wrong. The future is scary. Yes. But, it is also refreshing to know that it isn’t set in stone. We make our own futures, alone or with another. But, they are still ours and made on our own accord.

life in photographs

While I was away …. I went out to the bars with two of my roommates and best friends 

Spent an afternoon at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts (MIA) 

And tried my hand at ice skating … not very successfully I might add

I am going to try to update with photographs more often, thinking I will call it “Life According to my iPhone” – playing around with the title, haha. But, stay tuned!

xoxo Meg

a short vacation

Wow. I haven’t been here in quite some time. Probably having to do with the holiday season, one semester closing and another beginning and my applications to graduate school all coming to a head at one time. Good news is that I will be attending Hamline University next fall to begin my Masters in Education. This is such a pinnacle time for me in my life and in my career. I am just so eager to begin my journey as a teacher. But, I suppose I should get my education first! 

I think with so many changes brewing in my life it has caused me to make some really conscious decisions as to what type of person I want to be. Recently, I have been finding more comfort in reading for pleasure than I have in a really long time. It started as a simple goal for myself; to instead of constantly going to the television to unwind I would first try to read. Happily, I have seen a great change in my work ethic because of doing this. I suppose you could call it my New Years resolution, of sorts. 

I want to become the person that I have always wanted to be; cultured, well-read, interesting and overall just happy. I have started to exercise on a more consistent basis and am trying to put only good, healthy foods into my body (ice cream is and will always remain to be my downfall, however). 

Recently, my sister went through a pretty big break-up. She and her boyfriend were living together, so when they decided to split her entire world was shaken. Now, she is back living with my parents in the basement. It’s so difficult to see. I really saw her putting her life together with this guy, and now that he is no longer it also causes their plans to be obliterated as well. Now, she is thinking of going back to school and getting her degree. I wholeheartedly support this. Everyone’s path doesn’t follow a chronological map. There is no timetable. So, although she is 24 going on 25 that should be no reason for her not to want to go to school and earn her 4-year degree. 

Change is good. Change is what pushes us to never settle. This is not to say that I wasn’t happy with the person I was last year, six months ago, or even ten years ago. It’s simply my way of recognizing the parts of my life that I seek to change, and working toward that goal. Never shy away from what you could be and settle for who you are. Sometimes, like for my sister, your world gets rocked by a person, a situation or an unfortunate circumstance. And it’s in those times that we have to muster all of our strength and persevere. I’m excited to see where this year will take me, and my sister. It’s going to be an interesting one, that’s for sure. 

what’s old is new

 

 

I stumbled upon a blog Ezra and Art and it mashes up modern lyrics with old and very famous paintings. It makes everything in this world feel so timeless. How can something that was created so long ago find meaning in society still today? An interesting musing to mull over while setting eyes on these sometimes quirky little pictures. I can’t get enough. 

 

 

humor ain’t so humorous

Being humorous is difficult. 

Currently, I’m working on a humorous and/or satirical piece for a course titled “The Essay.” Every two weeks or so we are asked to compose an essay pertaining to other essays that we have read. This week, I find myself with my fingers merely hovering over the keyboard with nothing to say but “I don’t know how to be funny.” 

Maybe that is all my essay will be. 

There is humor in that … right?! 

let’s talk love

Love is such a strange idea. 

I used to think that love was a mere falsity created by the media that gave people something to yearn for and ache for, but never truly achieve. For it did not exist, or so I thought. I was so troubled with concept that something couldn’t be defined in words. What do you mean “You just feel it?” That always struck me as too abstract or just too unrealistic. Everything has to be able to be put into words … right? 

I remember when I “fell in love” for the first time. I was eighteen years old, and I was whisked off my feet. I became so whisked that my feet were no longer planted firmly on the ground and my head was no longer fastened on tight, but loose and in the clouds. I paid no witness to all the times he told me “change this,” “don’t do that,” “just look at yourself,” etc. I thought that he was looking out for me by making little changes to me. He forced me to become more productive, more type A, and less creative … less me. While he literally pulled the whiskey away from my lips and said “no,” what he was really doing was pressing the whiskey bottle against my lips and saying “drink until you can’t think for yourself anymore.” I was intoxicated under his control, his demands and his lack of mercy. He morphed me into a version of myself that I am still, to this day, ashamed of. A person with no voice, is not a person at all. He took away my voice, and my ability to speak for myself. In my head I would always asked myself why love was so hard, and why love was so demanding, exhausting and physically harming. I asked myself everyday “Why do people want this?” 

For two years after that relationship I took time for myself. I had to relearn who I was, because he had taken it with him. Every morning I would wake up, walk to my desk and journal my one goal for that day. Sometimes it was as simple as smile or listen to your favorite song. It seems so silly, looking back, that those were feats for me. But, over time I figured it out. I figured out me. I became an avid yogi, I studied harder than I ever had, I transferred schools, I made new friends, I wrote new music …

… I started over. 

All of this brings me to the person that I am today. And also, the person that I am with today. While my first run-in with this undefinable feeling left me face first and ass up in the dirt, this is different. Oh, so very different. He looks at me in a way that I have never been looked at. Even when I look at him from across the room, it’s just us. He has not once asked me to change anything about myself. He embraces me for me, quirks included. And, I hope that he knows that I would do just about anything for him. 

I’ve realized that love is not an undefinable feeling, but an act. Every day, we both have to work, reach out to one another and let them know we care. Love is an unconditional act of care, compassion and adoration for another person. It doesn’t cease to exist the moment they frustrate you or test your temper. The underpinnings of love can never fade. I’m happy to say that my feet, with him, are firmly on the ground, my head is fastened and I’m thinking clearly. For I know that everything about this is right. I’m terrified of realizing how open my heart is to him. But there it is.

I know why people want this. It’s intoxicating in the best way possible: a little bit numbing, refreshingly genuine and extremely exhilarating. 

Love is strange.