after a long hiatus

It has been more than two years since I last posted. Recently, I made a commitment to myself to revisit the things that once gave me joy. Writing is one of them. Monday through Friday I teach a classroom full of 10th graders how to write. The academic writing that I teach revolves around structure, format, grammar, claims, theses, etc. What I miss is the journey of narrative writing. The cracks and crevices of language that live deep beneath the surface of characters on a page. I miss the freedom of writing without a clear path in  mind; not knowing where the words will take you.

For the past few years, I have allowed stability to run my life. I sought structure and routine, and in doing so, I forgot the parts of myslef that allow creativity to take hold.

A “hiatus” is defined as a pause or gap in a sequence, series or process. The two years have just been a pause, not a stop, not a standstill, just a pause. Today, I choose to resume the parts of my life that I allowed to wane. It’s never too late to revisit the parts of yourself that make you, you.

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their enviable innocence

As my students bound about my classroom with enviable pep in their step I am always overwrought with jealousy. They have only just begun. Their whole futures are ahead of them and their options are endless. Despite the fact that I am only 23 I feel as though some of my options and decisions have already passed. My college experience has since retired, my graduate schoolwork is already half-finished and I am well on my way to becoming established in the teaching community. While I still have some monumental decisions left to make, I look upon the freedom of youth with admiration.

These little humans are so resilient and sometimes ignorant to all of life’s cruelties. I just wish I could bottle up their childhood innocence and lock the lid forever. Each year I find myself becoming more cynical and more stubborn, more aloof. The world isn’t as safe as I once imagined it. I often wish I could see the world through their little eyes for just one day, to see again that there is beauty everywhere, and not just heartache.

One of my students passed away this year in a murder-suicide. She and her mother were taken. Her father took himself shortly thereafter. My students handled this horrifying truth with such grace and maturity, of which I am still dumbfounded by. They were able to bandage up their wounds far sooner than I was, and are able to talk about her with smiles and laughter.

As a teacher I am constantly amazed by their brilliance. But, this was the most remarkable of all. Life for them is not yet cruel. Even though they were exposed to the horrors of this world far too young they are still able to see only beauty. For that, I am grateful.

just be true

A moment can never be truly candid until thoughts are spewed from the mouth like wildfire, leaving the listener only to be immersed in the delicate delight of honesty. Equivalent to the kodak photographs, an honest word paints the clearest, most accurate picture for the people that we are. It’s not statuesque, it’s not forced, it’s irreparably real.

The world that we live in can only be described as “mechanical.” The ability to be free is there, but people only take those liberties in the comfort of their homes, with the people that we have grown comfortable with. It’s rare that the truest emotions are shared amongst an acquaintance. We live our lives hidden by computer screens and smart phones that we forget the one real act of love doesn’t come from a delicately crafted e-mail or a thoughtful picture posted to someone’s Facebook wall. Real love comes in the form of honest and true, uncensored, unparalleled, can’t believe the words are actually coming out of my mouth, moments.

If we continue to tailor our speech to be eloquent and thoughtful we are only hurting those around us. It’s nonsensical. How will anyone come to terms with who each other are if their identities are being curtained by societal norms.

Break the mechanical boundaries, and whisk aside the drapes. Tell the one you love that you love them.

Don’t think.

Just speak.

Be honest.

Be true.

Love isn’t about losing yourself, it’s about creating a place that you can both dwell, strive, and ultimately find unconventionally sublime bliss, complete with open and honest communication.